Countless reason why

A long time ago I started trying to write here using the little English that I got, today I will write down a little bit about what is happening in my life. You have been asking why should you read this short text with a lot of mistakes of grammar, and I am afraid to tell you there is not reason to read. But if you still are there, I have to tell you a second thing, I would like if you read this listening 'Timber a chill mix for 2016', I am doing the same now and it will conect us more than just by my simple words.

Is it good, do not you think? Me too. So, let is start my monolog. If you know me properly maybe we had discussed about have a baby and you know that I never wanted to be a father. Well, it will become true in some months! I failed with myself when I said I would never become a father. Please do not tell me anything about plane's God or another bullshit like that, please just don't okay. You problably are thinking why is it something important to me and I will explain the whole thing then.

Since I was a little kid and can remain I am a weird person. Some peculiar (Anything like Mr. Grey, do not get me wrong. hahaha), I still am someone who did not find a motive to breath every day. How can I bring to this empty world another human who problably will feel the same way? Do you think is it fair with him/her? What may I be able to teach him/her if neither I like to live nor dicovered my place in the world yet. I am terrified with the whole ideia.

Someone ask me by message, why I am not posting anything here anymore. Here is the answer, I am scared, totally terrify if will I be able to be a good dad for this child. I do not even like kids, how would it be possible? Out of sudden, like a swicth in my mind, will I start to like child? I really hope so. I will not forgive myself if something bad happens with this kid. Now I understand when parents says they would kill to protect their children (I don't really need a reason, though). I even do not know the reason why... Could you explain me?